Heartache...

I've always accepted that being a mother is a thankless job.

I've sacrificed my time, money, effort etc willingly.... because I love my kids, and I want the best for them. I don't expect any appreciation or gratitude. But for them to be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nonchalant about everything and taking every single thing for granted is another story. I tell you. I am so upset and sad that I just want to give up. Give up caring. Give up worrying. Give up loving. But am I able to do that?



There are many many cases where I just want to give up. So many that I think it's beyond counting. Every single day, there would be something. Not doing homework. Or doing lousy work..just to hand it over. Not practising musical instrument AT ALL. Or forgetting to take musical instrument to school (only half hour lesson per week at school. If missed, it's 2 weeks between lessons!). Spending over USD 5 on food when they have their lunch box. Uneaten lunch box that stunk-like-a-skunk by the time they get home. LOST shoes, trainers, PE kit, water bottles, lunch boxes, glassses, library books, mobile phone, pencils, pens, calculator, swipe cards, money.... the list goes on.


But what happened on Monday takes the cake. I had told the boys in the morning that I will pick them up from school for their Mandarin lessons, and have told them to be at the Pick-Up Point at 2.30 PM. I was actually at school at 2.10 PM already, but because the school didn't allow private cars to enter until all the school buses have left, I waited in the external carpark. By the time I arrived at the Pick-Up Point it was approximately 2.40 ish.
Nope. They weren't right at the curb, which I hoped they would be ...as I didn't count on having to go down to school.
I went down, and walked along the usual place where we sit to wait for each other... NO. They weren't here. I started to get a bit irritated, and then walked all the way to the Cafe, to the libraries, to the basketball courts and to the fields. I had thought perhaps S1 had a last minute athletic training...and NOPE. He wasn't there. At this point, I was starting to panic, and called H and cried. He tried to calm me down, and said that "They are in school, they will be okay. Just get a teacher to help". I still tried to go around the school one more time to look for them.
I finally went to the Primary Office, and got the ladies there to help. I was already quite frantic and already tearing. They called different departments and asked if any have seen S2 (Yes. They know who he is....He used to always hang out in the Office. Don't ask me why). NOPE. No one has seen him. Then one replied that they thought they saw S1 awhile ago. Meanwhile, I have kept calling my driver whom had been waiting at the Pick-Up Point, to see if he had seen them. NOPE. He hadn't.
As I walked back towards the Pick-Up point, LO and BEHOLD, they were happily standing at the Pick-Up Point....at 3.10 PM. Yes. I had been running around the school panicking searching for them for a good 30 minutes like a headless chicken.... And guessed where they were? Sitting in some AIR-CONDITIONED room in some computer room which is located in god knows where??? My S1 had to cheek to tell me that he waited till 2.35 PM, and I wasn't there. MY GOD!!! A mere FIVE BLARDY minutes, and he decides to go off. I see children sitting by the curbside waiting for their cars. And if mine are sooooooooooooo high and mighty that they can't sit on the curbside, there are picnic tables and benches nearby... And this is where I would have expected them to be. As this was where we ALWAYS wait for our car. They have to find a nice comfortable place to sit. And NOT only that, they didn't even blardy bother to see if the car has arrived. ALLLLLL this while, the car and driver was RIGHT OUT THERE.
I tell you, I seriously thought that they are that dumb believing the age old phrase of "your mommy asked me to come pick you up", and had been kidnapped by some dirty 'ole driver who likes to "play" with little boys....
Boy was I mad! Screamed at them in the car....for not thinking. Not being considerate. etc etc

And you know what? Until today, NOT a single word of SORRY from either of them. It seems it is MY FAULT for not being there at 2.30 PM. In my schooltime, I remember having to wait right at the spot waiting to be picked up. Where do I dare to move away? 30 Minutes definitely waited before.

I must be such a bad mother to raise such children. And when they came home yesterday, NOT a word of "Hi Mom!" or "We are home". S2 tried to have small talk, but S1 just dropped his bag and went to his room. You say lah....this kind of attitude.
"Saanng Chai lah. Saaang Kau Char Siew, Sik Chor Hei Choong Kor Hou"!!!!

Really HEARTACHE.