Can a mommy ever QUIT being one???

I'll like to... But I don't know how.
You must be wondering why I am blogging about this instead of our 3-week family vacation in The States..
Well..I had a major meltdown this morning. Nope. It is not PMS. So what is it? Menopause? Jet-lag? The alignment of the sun and moon? Or just plain craziness on my part? I ended up crying like a GILA woman for a bit....

Started off in the morning...when I discovered that both boys had again lost their water bottles. Water bottles that I had bought 2 weeks before end-of-term. Naturally, I started on a lecture about responsibility blah blah blah. And H just came and interupted me to stop and let them be. He then continued with ''don't drink water a day in school, won't die blah blah blah. I don't recall my mom telling me to drink water blah blah blah and I still grow up! Why are you making such a fuss about water bottles?"
BUT it is not just about water bottles. It is about the underlying issues. You know what I mean??? H just can't see my point. Just kept saying that they are not one-year olds and I should stop spoon-feeding them. Stop reminding them about their schedules, their homework, their gear, water bottles etc etc. Stop about worrying about every single thing. As per his words " the sooner you stop, the better it is for everybody! They will then learn to be responsible". I supposed he has a point there. It's like I am more 'Kann-cheong' than they themselves. Its like their football practices. I remind them to pack their shin guards, etc the night before... As without them, the coaches won't allow them to play. And many times, they just ignore me and true enough, they can't play ....until they can find a pair to borrow. H says "Let them sit on the bench. Serves them right!" but mommy thinks it is such a waste to wake up early on a weekend, travel 40 minutes and then not able to play. Such a waste and a pity. So how?? How to make them be responsible for themselves?

It seems like whatever I say is being IGNORED. I specifically remember telling the boys that we won't go to their Mandarin Class on Monday (yesterday), with everyone still being jet-lagged and all. And just after noon yesterday, I got a text from S1 asking if they were going to Mandarin. I texted back with a no and reminded him to take the bus home and to make sure S2 is on the bus too. And what do you know? I got a call from S2 made from the school office at 2.29 pm asking if I was coming to pick them up from Mandarin. And bus leaves at 2.30 PM. Subsequent calls to S1 mobile were not picked up nor texts replied. How do I know if they managed to get on the bus? I had an appointment at 3 PM and was wondering if I needed to cancel in order to send the car to school to pick them up should they have missed the bus. Plus I was kinda 'Kann-cheong' and my worry mode was ON. H brought this up again this morning...and asked "so what if they miss the bus. They are irresponsible, then they just have to wait. One two hours or even till 8 PM for the car. Why must you cancel your appointment? They have to learn to adhere to our schedule not theirs. Blah blah blah". And he went on with my so-called spoon-feeding the boys. He said "Mornings. Why do you have to wake them up in the mornings? They are big enough to set alarms to wake themselves up. I don't recall my mom waking me up! If they miss the bus too bad. Miss a few days then they get scolding and they will learn!". I also seem to recall setting my own alarms then so why the change now??

Times are different. If I don't wake them up... They don't go to school... They will be home doing nonsense. Will the school really scold them? This is an international school... Their punishment is nothing! Actually never even heard of the school dishing out punishment. I really wished that they would...punish the children like how the Chinese Schools do...whack them (gently la..not too hard..just enough to embarrass), make
them write lines, clean toilets, stay back during lunch break whatever... So that they will learn. Now? I don't know... They are so spoiled. I have been trying hard to teach them the value of money and how to manage...but it is so tough. You know when we were in school, we were given daily allowance for meals? And we learn how to manage that? I was doing that with the boys until the school changed into a cashless system. I wanted them to learn if they spent all the money I gave them before the week is up, then they just go hungry. If they forget the money. Hungry. Too bad. But with this cashless system, it is bad. First of all, the school allows the account to go into NEGATIVE. So even if I just give them enough for hot meals, the NEGATIVE balance allows them to buy nonsense like drinks, yogurt, cookies etc etc. And I end up getting mails from school to pay up. How to learn how to manage money like that?? All they learn is it's okay to OWE! Bad. Bad. Bad. And second thing is the school is soooooo scared of kids going hungry. Have been trying hard to get boys to be responsible, ie to remember to stow their student IDs properly, and to bring to school for their lunch etc . Without it, you go hungry. Too bad! But then, the school allows the kids to report missing card like thousands of times, and also allow purchases without the card. All they need to do is just go to the office and obtain some kind of chit. So surely the kids don't really need to be responsible to look after the cards nor to bring them. *sigh* am up in arms!!!

Seriously contemplating sending my boys off to a boarding school....for their own good. They are too spoilt living in Indonesia. Everything is laid out for them. That they just don't learn to do anything for themselves. The environment just doesn't allow for much change.... For example, public transport is definitely a no-no here...and they end up being chauffeured everywhere. They actually asked who is our driver in the States!!! Perhaps moving to Europe is a good idea! In case you haven't heard, H has been asked to move to Warsaw, Poland to head a division. The moment H says YES to the job, we will move. Scary yet exciting. Apparently Warsaw is not as Eastern-block as it used to be. Googled-up on Warsaw - apartments, houses, schools, and of course shopping! Apparently they have Sephora and Tesco. Hahaha... . BUT I am not putting up too much thought into the move as H isn't sure he wants to take the job. He's waiting on his other option. So no point imagining what life would be in Warsaw ...as we might end up in Donno where! Been an expat wife long enough to take every piece of relocation news with a pinch of salt. So I try not to think too much...otherwise will worry until I GILA but of course still stressed la. No point discussing my worries with H. Men somehow don't understand one!!!

How did I veer off talking about relocation? Anyway, I seriously need to back-off and let the boys fumble... I just need to clench my teeth (my clenching inhibitor will come in handy!!) and let them fall, fail whatever... Cause there is really no point in me being the more 'kann-cheong' one... Everyone gets frustrated and I get more stressed and more grey hair..... As if the current unsettling state of where we are going next is not stressing me enough... Really. There is no point of me caring. Did I tell you that I was trying hard to look for a proper school shoe for S1 in the States? Instead of being grateful, I got a grouchy response because he wanted to go to the bookshop instead, and said that i don't like him! Boy! Was I mad! Did I deserve that?? H brought this up this morning again. "Why should you care about his shoes? No shoe? Wear slippers or whatever la. Let him get scolding at school. Then he'll come to you to get him a pair. If it is too last minute, too bad. They just have to wait!"... I know it all makes sense. I just need to learn how to NOT care. Anyone gonna give me some tips on how to do this? I don't want to say don't care and then so very quickly revert to my old self!