I am sure most of you have heard about the HUGE controversy surrounding Amy Chua's book, "Battle Hymm of the Tiger Mother". If you have not, just google "Tiger Mother" and I assure you that there will thousands of hits. It is quite an interesting read.
My kids go for sleepovers,, don't get straight A's, choose their own activities, watch tv during school days, play games till their eyes pop out over the weekend. So you can hardly say that I am the stereotypical Chinese mom.
So why bring this topic up?
I had a short chat over a cup of coffee yesterday with a fellow mom from school. As we were talking, I lamented about finding my boys not exactly up to the level they are supposed to be although the school keeps saying they are "great". My basis? I used Malaysian workbooks. Yah. The country ranked 8th in the world in terms if education (errrrr...when compared with countries of similar GDPs).
My friend's remark was "maybe you are expecting too much from your boys?"
Wei??? Am I?
When I tutor them, I make sure they understand the concepts and basics before they can go off to do their nonsense. No point in knowing how to do some problems if their understanding is not fully there. I can see that the boys do understand the foundation concepts better after each of our sessions. So it is a fact that they can do it. They just need the little bit of
push.
I feel that if they can do it, why want to settle for mediocrity?
My friend argued that the school teaches the kids to think outside the box, excel socially blah blah blah.
Yes. I agree. That part is commendable but why can't we excel both socially and academically?
I feel the academics is lacking in International schools and the ang-mohs really Molly-coddle the kids too much. Read the controversial piece. Though I do not agree with her archaic parenting styles, I wholly agree when she said that we push our kids because we know they can do it! The part she said about Ang-moh parents tend to fret over damaging their children's self esteem is also very true. Take my boys' school for example...something as simple as football. My S1 is in the U14 B2 team. Why B2? It is clearly a C team. Last year, they had A, B and Cs. This year, they go by A, B1 and B2. Why the change?? My good guess is that some ang-moh parents complained about the tag 'C' is damaging their kid's self-esteem. Come on! How long do they want to keep the kids in a cocoon????
The real world is not going to be so kind to our kids lah!
Their bosses are not going to say "Good Job!" when crap is presented. The kids need to know that they need to work hard to excel. Be it sports, academics, friendships or whatever. If we keep them in a cocoon, sheltering them from every single bad thing ( I am not saying endangering your kid, ok?), making sure everything is hanky-dory; how are our kids going to survive in the real world?
Don't even talk about working life. Just university is enough. Are you going to be there to protect him/her from nasty lecturers and fellow mates? No, right?
Besides, kids are not dumb la. I asked my S1 what he thinks about this B2 or C - which is more appropriate? His answer was very straightforward - C because technically, when letters are used, they should be exhausted first before we bring in the numerals, I.e. A B C through to Z, then A1 B1 C1 so on and so forth. I thought that was a pretty good answer!
Another thing my friend commented was I ought to take the environment in consideration....since international school and all. I don't agree lor. In their school, there are loads of little heirs and heiresses who have gold mines that can last a few lifetimes. Is it okay for my kids to behave like them? No, right? My kids will have to work hard just like their dad. No gold mines tuck somewhere in a Petaling Jaya Sekyen! Apparently there is a girl in the school that is soooooo rich that she comes to school 3 months, then travel to America with her dad for 3 months with a personal tutor, then back to school again. An old friend who have since left told me that sone kids give Rolex Watches as birthday presents! Yup. Waliow is correct! All these kids no need to study hard. No need to work hard. Do I tell my kids no need to work hard? So, the more the environment is not 'ideal', the harder I have to work against it!
This same friend also said that I shouldnt tutor my own kids. Yes. I am not a patient woman. I don't do it consistently. So I wonder...
Will a paid stranger in some tuition center be more concerned than I? To make sure that they have understood the concepts presented?
Mmmmmmm...
This topic is endless..... Cause there will always be different parenting styles...and we will always disagree.....
Like how I am disagreeing with some moms at school. I feel there is not enough homework, and the ang-moh moms think there is too much homework! I feel kids are not challenged enough, the ang-moh moms think they are! If my son can come home and watch tv and go on facebook almost every night,, certainly there is too much free time! Even if there is homework, it is done in a jiffy! I can't say exactly that they have done a bad job because both are always having good reports, and are in either the top or 2nd groups when they do segregate the different levels. So ? Work is too easy in this international school?? Then why the ang-mohs say they are challenged? Challenged means a little more challenging, harder to complete, right? Or am I getting the whole concept wrong? I don't know lah!
6 comments:
i know what u mean, and compared to the great lengths AC went to in motivating her girls to give their best, most of us aren't tiger mamas.
but i also agree that those same good values, like working hard and persevering, that underpin her actions are very much the same things we should try and uphold, 'coz as you said our kids need to know how to make it on their own in their world, now and later. we can only be there to guide them so much and while they are still little, n think u must know what i mean that the older they get, they have more n more of a mind of their own anyway.
it's wonderful that you can coach your boys... what a real luxury that is for children to have their mother beside them like this :).
yeap you are right..different parents have different parenting styles. Do what you feel is best for them. take other advices with a pinch of salt. No matter which school they go to, I feel we as parents need to strike the balance. For us, Ashley will be going to a chinese school tomorrow. Though I do not agree with some of their methods (like scaring the kids with canes), it's up to us as parents to ensure that while discipline is enforced, their self esteem is not crushed. Ahh the "joys" of parenting :) It's a learning experience :)
While I can understand the bit about pushing our children, I personally feel that it's important to instill the right values because if they have that, they will naturally excel. One of the values that chinese hold dear to is being hardworking and not wait for handouts.
LOL!!!
I think all ang-moh school is like that. Forever positive. No negatives. Everytime I get a report card/see teacher, all very positive.
I keep thinking, Wah..my boys can't be that good mah. But, I know la.. my boys can do so much better. I wish the teachers would highlight their weaknesses, so we can work towards improving it.
Wah.. this part-time school girl..so syiok hor..international party girl, starting young.
Part of our role working professionally with children is to educate the parents that THEY are the most powerful factor of their child's learning - not school, not the teacher, not the speech pathologist. Certainly with some guidance from the structure (set by the curriculum, teacher's focus, or sp path), but parents are expected to be engaged and involved in their child's learning!
Anyway, I read in an article in the "Education" section of the paper a while ago about how TOO MUCH PRAISE (good job, you're the best) can potentially desensitise children from genuine phrase.
v
bp - eh. She is really committed to enforce those rules. It is so much harder to do that than to just give in to kids.
I really salute her for persevering.
Ya. We can only guide (force) to a certain degree... The bigger they grow, the harder it is...
Mom2ashleyaidan - I believe we need to use different styles to suit different kids. Some kids need more guidance than others, more discipline than others, etc etc.
I can tell you...my son is not scared of canes ....he went to Puay Chai for 2.5 years...
No one size fits all...
Bryan and Brandon's Mama - most kids, if left to their own devises, would prefer to play than to work.... Especially boys. So it is really up to us to push ...so that they can excel.
Mott - yeah. I prefer if they highlight weaknesses so that we can improve on them. Everyhthing also On Target or Exceed Target, sure the kids think it is enough. But who are they comparing with?
My son sometimes tell me certain kids refused to contribute in group projects and he would have to do most of the work.
V - eh..but we are paying USD 23 k per year per kid leh. Surely you expect quality better than sekolah kebangsaan, right?? (okay, kebangsaan in my days ka. Not these days. Heard it is really crap these days)
You should send the article to all the ang mohs!
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